


Quiver

by Hanbyeul (hanbyeul)



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Slow Burn Romance, but it is seongjoong focused, chapter stories usually take me awhile to update, honestly the romance isn't the main focus of this, hongjoong takes out his anger on everyone else, it starts off as sanhwa, seonghwa takes out his anger on himself, slow update warning, the gangs all here except 2 are dead, truly an awful combination, yunho and wooyoung are dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:00:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25134286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanbyeul/pseuds/Hanbyeul
Summary: Hongjoong hates Seonghwa, his bright and cheery personality sickening to him. Everything he says in his radio show feels fake. It is fake because Seonghwa does not know how to move on as he claims to on his broadcast.
Relationships: Choi San/Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Kudos: 15





	Quiver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this story is way different than anything else I have on AO3. If you have read something I have written on here before. This is nothing like either as you've probably noticed.

_Seonghwa slams the cab door shut, the sound echoes in his mind, while he stumbles towards the body lying in the street, he feels dizzy. He falls to his knees, not registering the glass that sticks into his legs when he does. His eyes are bleary despite feeling dry, tears pool in them slipping down his cheeks, his hand desperately clutching at his friend's shirt. Seonghwa's eyes beg for him to blink, to shut them, and look away from Yunho, but he cannot. The younger's eyes are unfocused, but they turn to Seonghwa, who is desperately holding onto one of the many gashes on the injured man's body to slow the bleeding. It is useless, he knows it is, the dark pool of blood on the black street tells him that, but he cannot give up, not when it is Yunho. Seonghwa feels sick; he can feel the bile climbing the back of his throat._

_The ambulance sirens are mute against the pounding of Seonghwa's heart in his ears. A grip on his shoulder pulls his hands away from Yunho into the chest of the person behind him. He turns only to see the concerned face of San staring back at him. Seonghwa turns, resting his head on the shoulder of the younger, crying into it, the blood on his hands staining his jeans while he grips his thighs. He chokes on the bile in his throat, doing his best to keep from puking on his junior._

_"It's okay."_

_San whispers, barely audible due to the loud surroundings, they both know it is a lie. It is a lie to protect them, to comfort them at the moment, trick themselves into believing that maybe, Yunho will make it. The older of the two sobs into the shoulder of his friend, hesitantly reaching out to hug him. The tears of Seonghwa soak through the fabric of San's shirt, the younger tries to avoid Yunho's body being moved by the EMTs onto a stretcher. It is too late for him, everyone around can see that for the driver of the other car as well, it is too late for both of them. Seonghwa runs his hand through his hair, staining the light-brown color with red._

* * *

"Seonghwa," San shakes the older's shoulder, forcefully.

The raven-haired man's eyes shoot open, his chest heaving, tears still wet on his lashes. Seonghwa lets out a heavy sigh, running his hands through his hair, checking them before resting them on the table in front of him, he fell asleep at the station, again. San does not have to ask, to know what it was about, the older's posture gives it away, without him asking. Jeong Yunho, a member of their high school and college radio team, the reason Seonghwa is where he is now. Seonghwa checks the time on his watch, _4:40 AM_ , a twelve-hour difference from the time Yunho passed. The same time for the past four years has haunted the older man.

"Seonghwa," San repeats, much softer this time, "what happened to Yunho, it wasn't your fault."

For the past four years, San has been a broken record, repeating those words. No matter how many times he says it, though, in Seonghwa's mind, he is the reason Yunho died. He is the reason: Yunho never got to live his dream, never got to graduate, never got to fall in love, never got to get married. The sick feeling in his stomach is still there, even now that he is awake. He pulls the trashcan under his desk closer to him, leaning over, dry heaving into it. He coughs, San gently strokes his back, speaking softly in an attempt to comfort the eldest of their group.

"It was hardest on you, I know, you were there, you saw everything that happened," San says softly.

The rest of his words fade off into nothing, Seonghwa's mind wandering back to that day once more.

* * *

_Seonghwa was never interested in never radio. The only reason he joined the club was that the cutest junior (in his opinion), Choi San, had asked him. He had never regretted the fact that he joined, though, San, Mingi, and Yunho, the three of them were incredible. Seonghwa had never imagined he would meet such great people at his high school. When he met them again at his college's broadcasting club, he could not contain his excitement. The other new addition to their team being Yeosang, a shy boy who at first was afraid since the other's were already close, but he opened up quickly to them._

_"What made you like broadcasting?" It was a simple enough question._

_Yunho's question was towards the newest member, his arm wrapped around Yeosang's shoulder. The brunette's eyes widened, and he shied away slightly._

_"I don't like broadcasting that much I joined because of."_

_Yeosang trails off, his eyes landing on Seonghwa, the president and oldest of the club who is talking with Mingi. The two of them are going over the announcements for the university together, laughing and joking the way they do every morning._

_"You joined because of someone? Not because you like the radio?" Yunho raised his voice, which made Yeosang jump, Mingi, and Seonghwa's attention turn to him as well._

_Seonghwa stood up, placed his script down on his seat, he smiled, while he stepped over to them: "Be nice to him, I joined back in high school because of San."_

_Seonghwa, rested his hand on Yunho's shoulder this only further upset the younger he stood abruptly, pushing Seonghwa's hand away from him._

_"Do you think you deserve to be the president of this club?" Yunho snapped, the attention of all the other members turned to the two of them._

_"Why are you making such a big deal about it?" Seonghwa spoke lower, in an attempt to get the eyes off of them, "you know I love this club, even if I did join because of him back then."_

_Yunho picked up his keys off the table: "I'm leaving."_

_"Why?" San inquired from the doorway, he had just arrived from the store, bag rustling in his hand._

_"Did you know, Seonghwa only joined because of you?" Yunho said through his teeth._

_San hummed, confused by the situation, everyone knew that was why Seonghwa joined. It was a joke among the group during high school. Yunho huffed, slamming the door shut behind him, one last glare directed towards Seonghwa before he left._ _Yeosang pressed his hands together in between his legs while he twisted in his chair. Seonghwa picks up his phone and wallet, rushing towards the door._

_"Where are you going?" San exasperated, grabbing onto the eldest's arm._

_There was a sinking feeling in the pit of Seonghwa's stomach that he could not explain: "I'm going after Yunho, do the broadcast without me."_

_Seonghwa calls to the rest of them as he rushed out of the room, after Yunho. The younger is already in his car, pulling out of the parking lot. Seonghwa was lucky to find a cab in time to follow him. His hands grip his thighs tightly, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip._

* * *

"The argument was stupid," San murmurs, "it came of nowhere, Yunho already knew you joined because of me, we joked about it."

San pauses, Seonghwa forces his mind away from the memory, for now, sighing, running his hands through his hair once more. Touching his hair was a habit he picked up in high school; when he was stressed or nervous, it was more common.

"The other car hit him he didn't hit them," San reminds, "that truck hit him."

Seonghwa rests his head in his hands, he can still feel blood on them it has been four years, he cannot get, Yunho's blood off of his hands. No matter how much: "it was not your fault," is repeated, they never seem to register in his mind. _4:40 PM, April 10th, 2015_ , will torment Seonghwa for the rest of his life. It will be five years in two months, but it is still fresh in his memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really unsure about posting it like this, but I think I like it enough to post it. Watch, I'll probably rewrite it like five times before this story ends. Anyway, tell me what you thought of it, the next chapter will introduce Hongjoong since this one focused on Seonghwa & his situation.


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